You're the most important person in your life

First off I want to say that I'm really sorry I haven't posted in quite a while. The thing is, I've needed to take some time to focus on myself a bit more. I've not been very steady lately; I've been going through something of a rough patch, and so I haven't felt able to post to this blog, or do a lot of things actually. 

And that's okay sometimes! The fact of the matter is that you are the most important person in your own life, and that means that you need to look after yourself. So if you need to take some time to get away from things and focus on you, then there's no need to be ashamed of that fact. You can't be the best version of yourself if you're constantly absorbed in the outside and don't take any time to practice self-care. 

So this post is just to say - remember to look after number one. It doesn't make you selfish; I know you care about other people, and you want to be there for them, and they know that too! It makes you human. You need time, and care, and the most important thing is your health and well-being. 

Look after yourselves. 

-E xo

The side of OCD that people don't see - Part 1

"You're so OCD!"

"That's such an OCD thing to do"

"Oh I have OCD when it comes to my pens, they have to be colour coded"

These and similar statements are things I'm sure you've heard quite often, and that you've probably said yourself. The problem here is that they are often said by or about people who do not have OCD, and this creates a problem by which it is made to seem less important and complex than it really is. This, in turn, means that genuine sufferers are downplayed, and people are highly misinformed on what these sufferers are going through, leading to a sense of isolation and insignificance. 

OCD is a condition that should not be trivialized by these casual comments. It is a serious problem that takes over people's entire lives, which is why it is not okay to talk about "how OCD you are" because you like to be organized. 

THE MAIN PART OF THE POST: 

The media representation of OCD (and therefore other people's impressions of it) are based around the "C" - the compulsions. However, there is a darker side to OCD that people don't often get to see. It is hidden away and skirted around, because being neat and tidy is much easier to swallow than this part. This needs to stop, because people need to know about it so that they can realize that they are not alone. 

I'm talking about the obsessional thoughts. These are repetitive, unwanted thoughts, images or impulses that a person finds unacceptable, awful, horrible, repugnant. They are incredibly distressing and mentally exhausting, and can be debilitating. 

The most important thing to note about these thoughts is that they are ego dystonic. This means that they are contrary to the person's view of themselves - they do not want to think or see the things invading their minds, loathe the thought of carrying out their impulses. 

The obsessive thoughts can concern a range of different things, from abusing others to blaspheming to pedophilia. These are awful, disturbing things, and it is vital to know that the person experiencing the thoughts does not want to carry them out. That is the key difference between OCD and certain other disorders involving such thoughts. 

The best way of describing these thoughts is essentially as worries, or at least causes of worries. The person is worried that they will carry them out. 

The reality is that they won't! If you're experiencing these obsessive thoughts, I want you to know that you are not alone. Having these thoughts does not make you a bad person. They're only thoughts, nothing more, and they definitely don't mean that you're going to act on them. 

It has taken me years - long, terrifying years alone with these thoughts - to finally come out and tell my therapist about them. I was so terrified of judgment, because I didn't know that other people thought things like this. I was so scared of hurting people, of doing things, things I never actually wanted to do, things that paralyzed me in fear and disgust. And yet, finally, I told her - and she understood. She immediately recognized what I was going through as obsessive thoughts. She did not judge me. She still cared about me. She still wanted to help me as best she could, and she is continuing to do so. So just know that as long as you go to the right people, they can help you to understand what you're going through, and finally start to help you to get your life back from the thoughts that take over your mind. 

In the second part of this post, I'm going to move on to talk about compulsions and neutralization actions, so stay tuned, and most importantly stay strong. 

Ups & Downs

So we all have ups and downs, but sadly some people feel more 'down' than they do 'up'.

I just wanted to write this post because lately I've been feeling pretty down. I've been stressed out from school work and loads of other stuff, but today I've felt absolutely amazing. I've finished my first unit for drama, which is what was stressing me out in the first place, and I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders (as dramatic as that sounds). Then I started watching some videos of my favourite artist of all time, and realised I'll be meeting him in just over a month.

It's in these moments that I realise that life really is great. Life is what we make of it. No matter how hard things, we can push through and we can overcome it all. Sometimes we need to come forward and admit we need help. Sometimes we need to let people know that we're not ok. Just know that there's always light at the end of the tunnel.

Whenever I'm feeling really low and don't know whether it's even worth it anymore, I always think of things I'd be missing out on if I wasn't here, or things I want to do in the future. For example, I always think about meeting Will Smith, which is one thing I've wanted to do since... well, forever. Haha

So, seriously guys, don't give up. I was watching this video earlier on today, which is the reason why I wanted to do this post really as it inspired me, and I suggest you all watch this video (skip to 39:40):

You don't have to watch all of it, and you don't even have to like Tinie Tempah or know who he is, but just listen to what he says, trust me.

Life really is wonderful, and we can achieve so much if we believe in ourselves. Sometimes we need to step back and realise that.

-A x

"Attention Seeking"

This post is simultaneously a rant and an affirmation to those of you who have been called an "attention seeker" that seeking attention does not make you a bad person. 

All too often, I've heard people telling others "you're just an attention seeker, get over it" and similar things, and I am so done with it. There are a few reasons why this is basically bullcrap: 

• Seeking attention is natural. It's not something to be ashamed of, and people need to stop treating it as if it's a crime. Literally everyone seeks attention - it's nice to be noticed, and listened to, and given affection, and whatever else you're after. 
• It is a brave thing to ask for help. If the attention you're seeking is for something you're upset about, then it's brilliant and amazing that you have the courage to do so, and no-one has the right to tell you that you can't, that it's annoying, or anything else. Please, never let the fear of looking like an "attention seeker" put you off. If you need help, you deserve it, and that's that. 
• No-one has the right to invalidate your emotions. You don't owe pretending to be happy to anyone. Whatever you're feeling is personal to you, and is real - you don't have to hide it, and people shouldn't make you feel bad for sharing it. The same goes for coping mechanisms. A lot of the time, self-harmers are accused of doing it for attention, when this is rarely the case, and when it is for attention it is a cry for much-needed and much-deserved help. Don't let anyone tell you the way you're feeling is wrong. There is no right and wrong when it comes to this; only negative and positive, and if something is harmful to you then you need help to stop it, not criticism and scolding. 

Make sure you remember these things if ever you feel (or someone else makes you feel) ashamed for seeking attention. It's natural, and can be a very good thing if you're asking for help. Spread the message where you can, and let's seek attention together! 

-E xo

Crying

Depression and other mental illnesses can affect people in a variety of ways. Some people may feel numb and completely unable to cry, as much as they may need to, whereas others might well up and burst into tears all of the time. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to feel; only different ways to feel, and different ways to deal with these feelings. 

Crying is a very important function when you are feeling low, for a number of reasons which I'll list below. 

• The most basic reason of all - it can be very therapeutic to let your emotions out in such a physical manner. Crying almost validates how you feel in a way, (not that your feelings are invalid if you don't cry, at all), and it can feel as though you are letting the sadness, frustration or whatever else you feel out, like opening the flood gates and letting it wash away. These feelings need to be felt, so let yourself feel them. 
• Tears are antibacterial. They'll fight off the germs you pick up in day-to-day life, and hey, if you want clearer skin you can rub them all over your face! 
• Your body releases toxins in your tears when you cry due to emotions. You're ridding your body of loads of those nasty by-products, which can leave you feeling much better, refreshed, afterwards. 
• Stopping yourself from crying increases levels of stress and other negative emotions, and also increases risk of diseases resulting from high stress levels such as high blood pressure and ulcers. Don't worry yourself about this if you've been restraining yourself from crying; just allow yourself to in future, and remind yourself that it's doing your body good. It's not a sign of weakness - if anything it's a sign of strength. It can be so hard to let yourself cry. 

A lot of people feel ashamed or embarrassed to cry in front of others, myself included. However, it is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, at all. You are not showing weakness to them if you cry. You are showing that you have emotions that need to be let out. Displaying them in front of people is brave, and can help a lot because there is someone there to tell you that it's okay, that your feelings are normal and that you have every right to feel them, but also every right to get better. 

If you feel like you need to cry but can't, there are a few ways that can help to get the tears out! 

• Listen to the saddest songs you know. They can be ones that you relate to, or not! It's really up to you, and everyone reacts differently to different things. Find what makes you really feel sad, what gets you into the emotion it's trying to portray, and let those emotions out yourself. 
• Watch movies with sad parts, or sad episodes of shows you like. If these are well done, you'll be really caught up in the emotions of the characters and will empathize with them, crying for them or along with them. (If you don't feel empathy very easily, or at all, that's okay too; it's just a different matter. It doesn't make you a bad person in the slightest). 
• Find a close friend who you trust, and sit somewhere quiet with them, where you feel safe. (Let them know that you're doing this because you need to cry). Just talk through your thoughts - it doesn't have to make sense! - or think them through and sit in silence; whatever you're most comfortable with. Having someone there can help you to feel protected, and so letting your feelings take over for a while is less scary. 
• You can also do the above alone if that's what you're more comfortable with. 

Finally, here are some things to remember for when you cry, if at all possible! 

• Keep comfort items nearby such as blankets, teddy bears and pillows, and hold them when you need to. They can also help to ground yourself in the moment so you don't get carried away by your thoughts. 
• Make sure you have water nearby, and tissues too. You don't want to get dehydrated by the loss of water in your tears, and it can be uncomfortable to sit with them streaming down your face and a nose full of snot. 
• To avoid irritating your eyes by rubbing them, you can put a cold water bottle under them to reduce swelling and ease pain if they begin to hurt. 

Good luck with releasing your emotions! 

-E xo

Dealing With Homework Stress

Already this week, I've stressed over homework. Yesterday we had to do peer-review on group essays we've been working on. The essay is comparing how the book, To Kill A Mockingbird, applies to today’s groups in society, such as LGBT.

We were assigned to go through the paper, answer question on the paper, highlight any mistakes, fix the mistakes, see the paragraphs “flow” well, give suggestion, check to make sure all the citations are there, and a great deal of other stuff.
The paper I was reviewing was ten pages long. I also had a study guide to complete and an art project I had to start on. Long story short, I didn't even get to lie down until eleven at night.

So, I've made a list of ways to deal with stress

1) Go for a walk
Walking can shift your mind away from the life's stresses and help you focus on the positive things in life. Often, what you see while walking can help your mind connect with positive memories, therefore improving your mood. This occurs because of the endorphin's that the brain releases because it is somehow triggered when walking. The endorphin's have the power to relieve pain and stimulate relaxation.

2) Lie down
This has helped me, but it may not help others. Lying down helps my mind relax, while it gives others' the chance to run wild. Taking deep breaths and closing my eyes allows me to seclude myself from the rest of the world and I can concentrate on calming my mind down.

3) Do something you enjoy
Take a break. Such aside the homework and do something you enjoy. Reading, drawing, dancing, listening to music. The odds are limitless. Just take a break, calm your breathing and do something you enjoy to take your mind off everything.

I hope this list will help you in the future.
And remember that no passing grade is worth getting frustrated over. Just take a deep breath :)

-M

Talking

I'm sure all of you know it can be incredibly difficult opening up to people about how you're feeling, and what's going on inside your head. 

Telling someone in the first place takes a lot of time and courage, but first off, no matter how weak you might feel, I want you to know that you are brave, and so much stronger than you realize. You're brave for coming as far as you have already, for still being here, and you can go that step further. 

There is nothing shameful about asking for help. There's a lot of stigma around mental illness, but there shouldn't be, and together we can work to end that. In the meantime, there is still no reason to be ashamed of needing support, so try not to be afraid to ask for it. There are so many people around you who want to help - you just have to let them know that you need it. 

**Feel free to skip this part, this is just some stuff about my experiences!** 

For me, I only told people when I reached breaking point. I know that really I left it later than I should have, but the important thing is that I was given the help I needed. First of all I spoke to my favourite teacher at school. 

The thing I was most scared of was my mom finding out. Fortunately at my school it is not in their policy that parents have to be notified about the kind of thing I went to them about, but that isn't the case for all schools. The teacher just had to notify my head of year, who called in a nurse to assess me. (She didn't come for a month or so though, and by that time I had already looked for help elsewhere). 

I knew my mom was going to have to find out at some point, so I finally resolved that it would be better for me to tell her myself than for her to find out from someone else. I asked her not to get angry or too upset, and she reacted much better than I had ever hoped. It hasn't always been easy with her since she's known, but I'm lucky to have her understanding overall. 

She took me to the doctors, where I was referred to CAMHS urgently because of the nature of my situation. There, I had my initial assessment where I was asked about what I spoke about at the doctors, but in more detail to see if they could help. I was then given further appointments at CAMHS with a psychiatrist and a therapist, both of whom I still see. 

That was a year and a half ago, and while I've moved on from where I was, I've only recently properly started to open up. 

**Okay I'll shut up about myself now**

A year and a half of therapy, and I've barely started! I know, it sounds ridiculous. But I'm sure a lot of people can relate, because like I said, it's hard opening up to people and telling them what's going on inside your head. 

It's hard, but it's worth it, and you've got to find what works best for you. 

Some people can just go in and talk; the words just come tumbling out for them. Others come to speak and suddenly no noise will come out even though the words are in their heads. People might go in knowing there are things they want to say, but completely forget them when it comes to actually talking. Or there are people who are just scared of saying what's wrong, be it for fear of judgment or anything else. 

It's completely fine and natural to feel any of these things, and more. It's just that you need to find a way of expressing yourself, getting what you need to talk about out in the open, because keeping it locked away inside is unhealthy - it's like a poison, constantly eating away at you. 

I'm going to make a list of things I've tried, and that I've heard about, and hopefully some of them might work for you: 

• Write it down. This might seem obvious, but for a lot of people it works. If you get into the office and your mind goes blank, you've got what you need to say written down in front of you. You can give it to your therapist / psychologist / psychiatrist / whoever to read, or you can read it out yourself - whatever you're more comfortable with.
  Of course, this doesn't work for everyone - you might get too embarrassed or worried to show them what you've written. Just keep looking for what works! 
• Draw it. This definitely sounds weird, I know haha, but often you've got images in your head of what you're feeling, whether they're realistic - (e.g. people, monsters, storms, etc.) - or abstract - (e.g. sharp angles and edges, scribbles, darkness, etc.) - and you don't need to be good at art to draw them up. Just outline the basic picture if you want, or go all the way and put in great detail if you want to; whatever you'd prefer. Then showing this to your therapist can really help to get the conversation going. It might not be obvious to them right away what it means, but they can ask questions about aspects of the picture that can start you talking about things you wouldn't have brought up otherwise. 
• Don't be afraid to interrupt! I know this can be a daunting prospect, especially with anxiety, but they are there to listen to you and will not be angry if you ask them to stop talking so you can tell them something. My therapist could talk for England - she goes on and on at 60mph and it can be hard to get a word in edgeways! But I've finally realized that it's okay to say "please stop, I want to tell you this", because often it's a split second thing when a thought comes into your head and you think, "I want to say this". Many times, I've just let it go, but not anymore, and it's getting me a long way. 
• Contradict them if they get something wrong. My therapist has made assumptions about me a few times that were waaaay off. If it happens to you, you need to tell them that they're wrong, or they'll take it and run with it, coming up with all sorts of things that you know aren't true of you! It's okay to say "no, that's not right". They won't be offended, because it's literally their job to help you in a way that's tailored to you, and they can't do that if they don't know what you're feeling. 
• Prepare yourself mentally before sessions. When you get into a session and actually do start to talk about a topic, there's no way of sugar-coating it - it's going to be emotionally draining. At that point, you can find yourself just wanting to shut down and stop responding. You can't let yourself do that - you can't recover without dealing with the hard things. So before sessions, ready yourself. Remember deep breathing and mindfulness skills (which I'll post about another time), and know that getting these things out is for the best. If you don't deal with them, they'll be there forever. You can do it, you just have to let yourself, and let your therapist help you. 

That's it for now, but if I think of anything else I'll be sure to make another post. 

Please leave comments about ways you open up - it just might help others, and it'd be interesting to know! 

-E xo

Be A Soldier

To start off with, I know that this picture is "out of date" but honestly I believe that you can do things like this any day. It is a wonderful coping mechanism and it can be that little helpful reminder when you are really struggling to control your urges. I wanted to remind you all that you are strong and that you can fight your demons (as the bottom picture so beautifully shows you).  You are strong. just the fact that you got up this morning shows your strength. After having a bad morning yesterday, my form tutor told me that the fact that i can still manage my everyday tasks shows my strength. I can still fight to be happy and to stay strong and that shows me that I WILL make it through this. It may seem like it is impossible sometimes but as Audrey Hepburn once said "nothing is impossible. The word itself says I'm possible"

Stay strong and keep smiling because your time will come when things will be easier. Carry on fighting, nothing can bring you down, we believe in you <3
-L xxxxxxx

Alternatives To Self Harm: Sharpie

  Yesterday night, I tried something new.  I took a Sharpie and began to write.  On myself that is.  I wrote the word 'beautiful' on my hip, reminding myself to eat.  Its already begun to fade, but I can always touch it up a bit when I have to.  The point of doing this is that the sharpie lasts longer than a pen, it's more difficult to wash off.  If you wrote 'beautiful' or 'gorgeous' on yourself the night before, because you were feeling more confident, and then the next day you lose hope, what you wrote isn't coming off for a while.  It's a reminder.

    What I also wrote was a letter on my hand.  I was talking to a friend last night and we'd ended up on the conversation of how much we cared about the other.  I'm not sure she would want me to share her name, so for now she will stay anonymous.  But, she kept going on about me being strong and I ended up crying because I knew she cared, but I never knew she cared THIS much.  It was just amazing of her to be able to list the reasons she loved me.  So, I took the sharpie and on my hand I wrote the letter of her first name, a Y.

  Think of someone you know cares about you.  Even if you think they don't, but you know they do.  Write their initial somewhere on your hand or maybe your foot, I don't know.  Wherever you want, if you don't want anyone to see it.

  I'm not completely sure where this post has gone, but this is a tip I want to give you.  It's just a way I found to cope that's actually working.  This is also a pretty bad first post since I didn't explain more in depth, but I never was a talker.

A big THANK YOU <3

I keep thinking back on my life before we started this blog and I honestly don't want to think about what my life would be like if we didn't make that big decision. This blog has brought so many wonderful people into my life, although I may have never met them, I feel like I have known them for my whole life (you know who you are) and it has strengthened my friendship with A. This blog has made me so much stronger and has got me through a lot of dark times. I am so blessed to have this blog and my biggest wish is that we can make this a certified organization and I can continue this as a career. I love waking up in the morning and thinking that I have a chance to help someone today.

I guess this post is just a big thank you to all of our followers and blog readers, you are all amazing and I consider you all friends. You help me through so much and continue to support us through everything. I hope you all like the community idea that we have created. Its centred around you all so any suggestions will be accepted. I never thought I could actually make a difference to peoples lives and this makes me so happy.

Thank you so much, we love you all <3 <3
Stay strong
-L xxxxx

inspiration (i guess)

I am not really all that sure what todays post is about. I just wanted to share my new-found knowledge with you all. for some reason it has took me a long time to realise that there are things that happen in life that are bad, like deaths, bullies, illnesses etc. My recovery, just like most peoples begins with the way that i interpret things and the way in which i choose to see the world.

It took me quite a while to realise that if i don't like the way that life is then i should change it, i don't have to look for the bad in the world. I have a lot of very positive things in my life that i take for granted quite a lot. I have a wonderful family and absolutely amazing friends. This blog is one of the best things that i have ever had the pleasure of taking part in. I do not want to think about what my life would be like right now if we hadn't started this blog. It has become my life and has helped me look for the 'silver linings' in every situation. I have so many amazing new friendships with people through the twitter account and it has really helped me get closer to "A" so i have decided that after so long of resenting having depression and an eating disorder that i am thankful of the way that it has shaped my life. I now make better health choices and i have developed as a person in more ways than i could have ever thought.
Remember that when you are having a bad day and you're thinking "why me?" This illness that you have is part of what makes you you. I am a better person today because of my problems and i wouldn't swap my difficulties for anything in the world. Believe in yourself and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you guys do anything after reading this post, please just think about the things/people that you have in your life today because of your hard times.

what are you thankful to your illness' for?

hope you are all staying strong and having a good week, remember to stay positive :-)

-L x

A Little Update (and a pep talk!)

Hi guys!

Its been a while, and i cant appologise enough for that but life has just got ahead of me. There have been a lot of new changes in my life lately and lets admit it, changes are often scary things. I have had to deal with things that others would see as no big deal when to me it was like climbing a mountain. I have started sixth form with Alyssa and its been going well but the work for it has taken up a lot of time so I figured that you all deserved an explaination as to why we have both been AWOL.

I am very pleased to say that my recovery is going well, I still have a difficult relatioinship with food but I am getting better and although I have had a recent relapse, I am one week clean for self-harming. Things are starting to really look up for me and I have a lot of opportunities available to me at them moment.

Beginning my recovery process is one of the best things that I have ever done for myself so if any of you are reading this and wondering if you should begin your recovery, DO IT! The fact that you are even thinking about recovery is a very big step and its a great thing. There is one thing that I do have to say that I feel is quite important; a girl got in touch with us at Perks Of Recovery a few months ago and told us that she wanted to do something about her problems but she didnt think that she should because she didnt think that she was as bad as others that she has found out about. First off, I hope that this person doesnt mind me mentioning this because I felt the exact same thing before getting help and I just felt like it was a growing problem. Secondly, if you have any kind of distorted thinking, be it to do with your body or about your life in general or even something that doesnt fit into those generalisations. Just think to yourself "this isnt right, I need to do something about this". Even if your problems are not as severe as someone elses doesnt mean that you dont deserve to get help. If anything going to get help while your problems are not as severe is a very good thing as it means that you can get to the bottom of your problem before it escalates. Don't ever be afraid that your problem is not severe enough to do something about. Don't suffer in silence.

Remember we are always here if you need help, feel free to DM us on twitter or email us, even if it is anonymously and we will do whatever we can to help.

What are your favourite things about recovery? Comment below :-)

-L x

"When everything happened did you tell people what was going on?"

We recently got asked this question on twitter:

I thought I'd answer it on the blog because I feel as though a lot of people may want to know about this.

Personally, no I didn't tell people what was going on. I didn't tell people how I was feeling, I just kept it all bottled up inside, which inevitably made things a lot worse for me.

Well, I did talk about it to one person, though, so I guess part of that was a lie.

I spoke to an online friend, who was also going through mental health issues. Venting to her really did help me a lot, I knew that I could trust and confide in her, and she would be able to relate to my problems because she was going through it herself.

However, I didn't talk to any of the people around me about it for a long time, and in some ways I still haven't Honestly, I don't know why I didn't tell them back then, when I didn't really self harm much. But, if I did, I think I would have got help sooner, before my problems got worse, and wouldn't be in the position I am now. In some ways I am grateful for that, as I wouldn't be blogging about this today and wouldn't be helping people like I am now. But I don't know if I would do it again, if I had a chance to redo it all, or if I would have spoken to people about it, but I think you should.

Eventually, yes, people did find out about my problems, and it turns out quite a few of my friends have self harmed in that past. Nobody ran when they found out I self harmed or had depression. Some people probably didn't even care. Not in a way such as "oh she's depressed and self harms, who cares" but "So what if she's depressed? So what is she self harms? She's still the same person, and I'm not going to leave just because of that".

So, no I didn't tell people what was going on, when it was going on. I didn't feel comfortable talking about it, and I still don't. Unless I know that that person has gone through the same/similar issues. But that's just me. I do however know that if I did choose to talk about it to friends and family, they wouldn't run away from me. And if they did, then I'd be better of without them.

If people run, don't be sad. Don't be angry. Don't hate yourself. Don't hate them. Be happy they left. Be happy that you now know the truth about them. Be happy because you were strong for telling them. Love yourself and believe that others do. Know that even though one left, others will stay. Believe that you can recover. Lift that weight off you shoulders, because you don't have to hide anymore.

I'm not saying go out and tell everyone you know about it, and try to discuss it with them in person, because that might not be easy for everyone. I know it wouldn't be for me. If you feel more comfortable talking to people over the internet or via text messages, do that instead. Personally, I feel more comfortable doing so, it's easier to reciprocate and portray my emotions when I write it down.

I hope you get some clarity after reading this post and make the right decision for you.

I still think that there is a lot more that I have to say, but I don't want to babble on even more than I already have. Regardless, thank you for taking the time to read this post.

-L x

2 week anniversary!!!!!

Its our two week anniversary for perks of recovery and we are soooo proud of how it is going, we have reached an amazing milestone for our twitter followers! I never imagined in my wildest dreams that we would have come this far in such a small amount of time. This just proves that if you want something enough and you put enough time, effort and love into it then you can make it into something to be proud of. I really cannot wait to see what the future holds for us. We will be starting to work on the blog more and develop the awareness of mental health disorders in others. Good luck in your recovery, we love you.
stay strong
A&L
xxxx

Alternatives To Self Harm: Drawing

Drawing helped me recover from self harm a lot. Drawing is a great way to express your inner feelings and release those negative emotions rather than harming yourself.

You don't need to be good at drawing, just get some pens, pencils, crayons and paper and go crazy! You can scribble, draw shapes or doodle any random things that you want; just don't self harm! You don't even need to draw pictures on paper, you can draw on your wrist/arm. For example, when you feel the urge to self harm, draw a line on your wrist instead of cutting or burning it.

(not our picture)

You could also take part in the butterfly project;

• When you feel the urge to self harm, draw a butterfly instead.
• Name the butterfly after someone that wants you to get better or someone you look up to.
• DON'T SCRUB AWAY YOUR BUTTERFLY!
• Your goal is to not cut until the butterfly has faded away.
• Draw as many butterflies as you want, or get someone else to draw the butterfly for you.

Things I like to draw:

• People/characters: I like to draw little cartoon people either in the anime style or some random scribble - this distracts me from the urges and, by the time I've finished the drawing, the urges have gone and I've calmed down.
• Scribbles: When I'm more angry/frustrated rather than sad, I scribble all over a page until I've calmed down. Sometimes I just colour in the whole page until I'm calm, however many pieces of paper it takes (remember to recycle! Haha).

Drawing really helped me recover, (although I'm still no da Vinci), and I really hope this post helps you stop self harming too! Stay strong. 

Alternatives To Self Harm: Love Spreader

Twitter user @thelovespreader made an amazing video for people to watch then they are feeling the urge to self harm.

She encourages us to resist the urge to self harm, as it will get easier and easier for us to stop the more we resist the urge. The first time we resist the urge is the start of it getting better. If we can do it once, we can do it again and again until we've fully recovered! :-)

The also talks about what to do instead of self harming;

• Talk to your friends/family.
• Watch one of your favourite movies, eat snacks and chill.
• Clean your room whilst playing some music - a great way to distract yourself!
• Draw, paint, be creative - it's a great way to release your feelings and emotions.
• Embrace your feelings - it's ok to cry. Cuddle up in bed, cry if you need to, release all of your negative energy and relax yourself - don't let it build up.
• Think of all of the people that have ever been kind to you - imagine that they're surrounding you with love and kindness.

I really enjoyed this video, and I hope everyone else does! Make sure you follow her on twitter. She's such a kind and beautiful girl, who is spreading love to those who need it. Thank you!

- A

Parents Just Don't Understand...

Parents just don't understand!

In all seriousness, sometimes parents don't understand what you're going through, which can lead to them being negative and unsupportive towards you. It could be for various reasons:

• They haven't experienced what you're going through.
• They have no knowledge on the subject.
• They don't want to believe it.

If your parents aren't understanding, they may end up getting upset, angry or dismissive and say some hurtful things. For example, when she found out about my self harm, my mom got very angry and upset with me. She accused me of doing it to hurt her, and didn't understand that I did as a coping mechanism. She told me that I was "selfish", and even said that I was being "pathetic" when I tried to explain why I was feeling so miserable.

For a long time, I started to feel even worse about myself because I thought that she didn't care about me and that she didn't love me for who I am, but I had to keep telling myself "she doesn't understand". Honestly, I still don't think she understands, which I can accept now that I've stopped, but there are ways to help your parents understand.

This blog post will be focused around parents that don't understand self harm. If you self harm and your parents act negatively towards you, hopefully this blog post will help. 

A diagnosis might be useful to help your parents be more supportive of you, because then they know for a fact that you do have a mental illness, and you're not "making anything up". If you don't have a diagnosis, but you would like one, visit a GP (general practitioner) either on your own or with your parents. If you do not want to go to a professional, try researching online. Online evaluations may not be very accurate, but try looking on various websites to get an better insight. Figure out what symptoms you have, then explain this to your parents.

Lets go back to reason number one for them being unsupportive towards you - lack of experience.

You can't really do anything about them not having the experience, because they will most likely never have it, but you can, as best as possible, explain to them how you're feeling.

It will be hard to explain to them what you're going through, so don't over complicate it. Here's some tips:

• Plan out what you're going to say - write down some bullet points so you stay on track.
• Instead of talking, write it down - write a letter or an e-mail for them to read, try to describe it as best you can.
• Try not to get angry - if you're writing a letter/e-mail, don't write it with anger. If you feel as though you're starting to get too angry/upset, stop writing for a while and come back. If you're speaking to them about it, stay as calm as possible but if you feel as though you're getting to angry and frustrated, calmly remove yourself from the situation.

Looking back, I wish someone had given me this advice. I tried to explain to my mom how I was feeling in a calm way, but . I know now that I shouldn't have shouted and screamed at her and I shouldn't have tried to talk to her whilst I was so angry.

Next we have the lack of knowledge on the subject.

Your parents might not even know what these mental issues involve, so the best way to deal with this is for them to educate themselves on the subject(s). This is something that can help a lot with your parents being more supportive towards you. Here are some tips:

• Find some online resources for them to look at.
• Find leaflets/booklets etc that have information on them.
• Ask them to "at least" look into it.

Once your parents understand what the illness is they will know that it is not a choice, and have more of an insight into what you're feeling. The NHS website is a good place to find useful/helpful links.

Finally we have denial.

Your parents wont want to believe or accept that you are suffering from a mental health problems. In my opinion, the best way to deal with this is to do all of the above. From my experience, explaining to your parents that them denying it and brushing it off as being nothing will not help you get any better might help (although, I wouldn't put it exactly like that otherwise they might get even more angry...). Try explaining to them that you need them to be on your side and to support you through your struggles in order for you to recover.

I hope that this blog post has helped you in one way or another. I am not a professional, so this isn't "professional" advice. However, I do have the experience to be able to tell you what worked for me and what I would do differently in my situation with my parents if I could go back in time.

Stay strong

- A 

Don't Be Afraid.

There are a lot of blogs out there that just give out inspiring messages and they have good intentions but it doesn't always help. This blog was created by 2 people who are in recovery from illnesses such as depression, anxiety, BDD, self harm and eating disorders. We are here for all of you and we know first hand what it is like to feel unworthy and unloved. We are here to help you stay strong and believe in yourself. There will be relapses and there will be days where you just dont think that you can do it but i can promise that it does get easier and you do get stronger.
We will try to respond to all messages to support anyone who needs it.
Stay strong
- L
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