The child within

Remember that saying, where people ask you if you'd treat a little kid the same way that you're treating yourself...and then reminding you that you were once a little kid and you're still someone's child. I've never been more enlightened by something than I was when I was first told this, it's so true, I love the purity of children and how they can find joy in the simplest of things. Then I thought back to my childhood. I think there's a little healing that needs to happen here.

Everyone has those photos of themselves from the past, many find them cute or embarrassing. I cry when I see them, I question just why I every treated that little girl so badly. 

you see that little girl below? She was very happy, she never knew just what she would have to go through in life. There is so much in life that we do not know, no-one can predict whether good or bad things are going to happen. at the beginning of any life, there is an infinite possibility of things that can happen. That's the beauty of what happens, you can make whatever you want of your life.

One thing that I've always felt so sorry about, is the way that I treated myself. I look back at pictures of me and remember times when I'm standing in the shower looking down at my little round tummy and thinking about how fat I am. I'm sorry for that.  I think about all the times I hurt myself deliberately as a child just to punish myself "for being bad". I remember the issues she had in her family life that she had to deal with, that she blamed herself for and yet I made it so much harder for her. She never knew that she would have so much love to give and yet not be wanted. She didn't have an easy childhood and yet I chose to add to the bullying. She never had the chance to create a safe haven because her mind never gave her any freedom.

Healing.

Looking back now, I was no better than any bullies that have ever plagued my life. This little girl had enough issues without me adding to them. As I got older, I used it as another way to beat myself up (ironic or what?) I saw the pictures of the girl who looked ill for years and years and sometimes felt pride in how skinny she was. 

Epiphany moment

After so many years of this circle of hate, I've finally got to some kind of conclusion... I FORGIVE MYSELF. There is no way to every get beyond this if I never forgive myself. Yes, I have made some pretty terrible decisions over how to treat myself, but unless I want to continue to do this, I need to make a change.

My advice to you

However you're treating yourself right now, think of how you were as a child, think about your younger relatives. Think about how you care for them, about how you love them. If they do something wrong, do you never let them forget it, or do you forgive them? If they fall down do you help them or make them feel worse? Use this ideology for yourself. Love the child that's within you, Forgive yourself as you would that little kid. and give yourself a break.

Stay Strong,

Love,

Louise x

.