When music speaks

One of the things that I use everyday, that is a huge influencer of my mood is music. I have a playlists for every mood and listening tto the right one helps release any unspoken emotions. The lyrics of the songs in each playlist 100% portray my emotions on a specific life event, mood or person. Its a very creative way for me to feel like I have been through a session of therapy. 

ED recovery

Acknowledge that your behaviour is unhealthy and you need to make changes. Change is YOUR choice.

Recovery is okay

When I first began my journey through recovery, part of me was so sick of feeling horrible and hating myself. Another part of myself wanted to feel the way that I did because it somehow made up for these things that I decided I had done (even though I hadn't done any of these bad things). It took a while for me to realise that part of me wanted to keep feeling the way I was purely because then it proved the struggles that I have been through. my struggles have never been anything that I have been embarrassed about. They have made me who i am today. I almost did not want to leave that part of my life behind because I thought the damage was too big a part of me to let go.

After reading many quotes about recovery and going to CBT for many sessions, I finally realised that my recovery is not about magically making all of my problems disappear. Its about acknowledging that they are there and no longer letting them control my life. They will always be there. That's something no one can control but the truth of the matter is that I just need to leave those thoughts in the background. You don't listen to the voices or engage with the thoughts.

Do not be afraid of the change that recovery brings

- Louise xoxo

Perks of Recovery

Hey guys. I haven't posted on here for a while (and for a while, I mean a while). This is mainly because I don't know what to post anymore. I feel like I can't relate anymore and I'm finding it hard to write posts about 'how I cope' when I don't feel like I'm coping anymore; I'm living. I guess that's the perk of recovery.

This blog was very much a coping mechanism for me and, whilst trying to help others on here and on our twitter, I felt like I was helping myself. But I don't need that anymore. I wish I could tell you all why, but I really don't know. I don't remember the last time I hurt myself. I don't remember the last time I felt really depressed. I don't remember and don't know what finally clicked inside of me, but it did.

I wish I knew all of the answers and I wish I knew what to tell you guys that would help you, but I didn't realise that I was actually recovering until I felt 'fully recovered'. Regardless, I will try to give at least some guidance.

Get off twitter.

Lets think about this. In the real world, surrounding yourself with negative people, negative thoughts and negative influences will have a negative impact on you, right? So why is it any different online?

Following accounts that post negative thoughts is not going to help. Tweeting your negative thoughts for other people to see is not going to help. Yes I know that, in that moment, people will see what you're saying and can offer you help and guidance. Yes I know that, in that moment, you can do the same for others. But it's always a temporary fix.

I know it's nice to feel like you can relate to how someone is feeling, but it does more bad than good, trust me. I spent so much time on our twitter, scrolling through our timeline and replying to people saying that they want to hurt themselves, or even kill themselves and, as someone who was unstable at the time, that was not good for me. We are already crowded with our own thoughts of self hatred, and reading tweet after tweet after tweet about how worthless other people feel and how much other people hate themselves just adds fuel to the fire.

My point is, if you were a recovering drug addict, would you surround yourself with people that take drugs? No. If you're taking your recovery seriously you need to step away and create some mind space. 

So, my advice to you is, either unfollow all of the 'depression accounts' and follow people that tweet messages of positivity and inspiration or get off twitter. It's the same with tumblr and any other social networking site too.

Please take this step seriously. You probably don't know now how much of an impact it has on you, but you will.

Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone.

This can be really hard for some. In fact, it's really hard for all of us, but it'll all be worth it in the end. It can be as simple as overcoming a fear of heights or joining a club.

Honestly, I think this is the step that really kickstarted my recovery. I took part in something called NCS (National Citizen Service) last year, and it has really changed my life. I won't write much about it in this post, as it will be too long, but I'll do a separate post about it in the future. Louise is also taking part in it this year, after seeing how much it has benefited me, and it's also helped her a lot too! It will be worth taking part in NCS if it's available to you (for 15-17 year olds in the England and parts of Northern Ireland only, sorry!) or looking for something similar! Even just volunteering somewhere like a soup kitchen or some sort of charity will be awesome!

Set goals.

This one is simple but effective! This is a good encouragement for people with suicidal thoughts, or at least it was for me in my case. Write down your "recovery bucket list" - i.e. things that make you happy, what makes recovery worth it etc.

Here's a few of mine - 

• to be happy
• to be confident
• to be successful
• to have a family
• to meet Will Smith
• to meet Tinie Tempah (which I have, woo! :D)
• to be an actress

They might change over time, but they remind me that I have something to look forward to and something to move towards! 

There are more recovery tips on our advice and our alternatives to self harm pages. Feel free to ask me anything or give us some of your tips in the comments, we are open to blog suggestions, constructive criticism and ideas!

- A

Learning More About Mental Health

I am currently studying online with ALISON and I have to tell you, I'm having a lot of fun! the two courses that I am currently undergoing are diploma in mental health studies and mental health & illness. Its so flexible and so everything that I learn I can do at my own pace and I get to learn in my own way.

Improving my knowledge on mental health will help me not just with this blog but with my career prospects....yes, I have finally decided what I want to do! My career choice is as a Primary Care Graduate Mental Health Worker, and combining this with Perks Of Recovery, I am so happy that I will be able to make a difference.

This time last year I never thought that I would know what I want to do. My life was a mess because of my illness' and I couldn't see a way out. It was actually July last year when I first went for help for my depression, self harm and anorexia. It was only when I got the diagnosis of all of those along with anxiety that I felt like I could maybe get better. It has been a long and painful road and though I know I'm no where near the end of this journey I am SO grateful for the things that it has taught me. I now have new friends that I love to talk to, I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile, my friendship with Alyssa has strengthened and now I have career prospects.

Don't give up, sometimes there really is a silver lining in every cloud (cheesy, I know)
Stay Strong
-Louise xoxo

p.s. I have an assessment for my suitability to CBT on Friday!!!!!

The side of OCD that people don't see - Part 1

"You're so OCD!"

"That's such an OCD thing to do"

"Oh I have OCD when it comes to my pens, they have to be colour coded"

These and similar statements are things I'm sure you've heard quite often, and that you've probably said yourself. The problem here is that they are often said by or about people who do not have OCD, and this creates a problem by which it is made to seem less important and complex than it really is. This, in turn, means that genuine sufferers are downplayed, and people are highly misinformed on what these sufferers are going through, leading to a sense of isolation and insignificance. 

OCD is a condition that should not be trivialized by these casual comments. It is a serious problem that takes over people's entire lives, which is why it is not okay to talk about "how OCD you are" because you like to be organized. 

THE MAIN PART OF THE POST: 

The media representation of OCD (and therefore other people's impressions of it) are based around the "C" - the compulsions. However, there is a darker side to OCD that people don't often get to see. It is hidden away and skirted around, because being neat and tidy is much easier to swallow than this part. This needs to stop, because people need to know about it so that they can realize that they are not alone. 

I'm talking about the obsessional thoughts. These are repetitive, unwanted thoughts, images or impulses that a person finds unacceptable, awful, horrible, repugnant. They are incredibly distressing and mentally exhausting, and can be debilitating. 

The most important thing to note about these thoughts is that they are ego dystonic. This means that they are contrary to the person's view of themselves - they do not want to think or see the things invading their minds, loathe the thought of carrying out their impulses. 

The obsessive thoughts can concern a range of different things, from abusing others to blaspheming to pedophilia. These are awful, disturbing things, and it is vital to know that the person experiencing the thoughts does not want to carry them out. That is the key difference between OCD and certain other disorders involving such thoughts. 

The best way of describing these thoughts is essentially as worries, or at least causes of worries. The person is worried that they will carry them out. 

The reality is that they won't! If you're experiencing these obsessive thoughts, I want you to know that you are not alone. Having these thoughts does not make you a bad person. They're only thoughts, nothing more, and they definitely don't mean that you're going to act on them. 

It has taken me years - long, terrifying years alone with these thoughts - to finally come out and tell my therapist about them. I was so terrified of judgment, because I didn't know that other people thought things like this. I was so scared of hurting people, of doing things, things I never actually wanted to do, things that paralyzed me in fear and disgust. And yet, finally, I told her - and she understood. She immediately recognized what I was going through as obsessive thoughts. She did not judge me. She still cared about me. She still wanted to help me as best she could, and she is continuing to do so. So just know that as long as you go to the right people, they can help you to understand what you're going through, and finally start to help you to get your life back from the thoughts that take over your mind. 

In the second part of this post, I'm going to move on to talk about compulsions and neutralization actions, so stay tuned, and most importantly stay strong. 

Ups & Downs

So we all have ups and downs, but sadly some people feel more 'down' than they do 'up'.

I just wanted to write this post because lately I've been feeling pretty down. I've been stressed out from school work and loads of other stuff, but today I've felt absolutely amazing. I've finished my first unit for drama, which is what was stressing me out in the first place, and I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders (as dramatic as that sounds). Then I started watching some videos of my favourite artist of all time, and realised I'll be meeting him in just over a month.

It's in these moments that I realise that life really is great. Life is what we make of it. No matter how hard things, we can push through and we can overcome it all. Sometimes we need to come forward and admit we need help. Sometimes we need to let people know that we're not ok. Just know that there's always light at the end of the tunnel.

Whenever I'm feeling really low and don't know whether it's even worth it anymore, I always think of things I'd be missing out on if I wasn't here, or things I want to do in the future. For example, I always think about meeting Will Smith, which is one thing I've wanted to do since... well, forever. Haha

So, seriously guys, don't give up. I was watching this video earlier on today, which is the reason why I wanted to do this post really as it inspired me, and I suggest you all watch this video (skip to 39:40):

You don't have to watch all of it, and you don't even have to like Tinie Tempah or know who he is, but just listen to what he says, trust me.

Life really is wonderful, and we can achieve so much if we believe in ourselves. Sometimes we need to step back and realise that.

-A x

Crying

Depression and other mental illnesses can affect people in a variety of ways. Some people may feel numb and completely unable to cry, as much as they may need to, whereas others might well up and burst into tears all of the time. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to feel; only different ways to feel, and different ways to deal with these feelings. 

Crying is a very important function when you are feeling low, for a number of reasons which I'll list below. 

• The most basic reason of all - it can be very therapeutic to let your emotions out in such a physical manner. Crying almost validates how you feel in a way, (not that your feelings are invalid if you don't cry, at all), and it can feel as though you are letting the sadness, frustration or whatever else you feel out, like opening the flood gates and letting it wash away. These feelings need to be felt, so let yourself feel them. 
• Tears are antibacterial. They'll fight off the germs you pick up in day-to-day life, and hey, if you want clearer skin you can rub them all over your face! 
• Your body releases toxins in your tears when you cry due to emotions. You're ridding your body of loads of those nasty by-products, which can leave you feeling much better, refreshed, afterwards. 
• Stopping yourself from crying increases levels of stress and other negative emotions, and also increases risk of diseases resulting from high stress levels such as high blood pressure and ulcers. Don't worry yourself about this if you've been restraining yourself from crying; just allow yourself to in future, and remind yourself that it's doing your body good. It's not a sign of weakness - if anything it's a sign of strength. It can be so hard to let yourself cry. 

A lot of people feel ashamed or embarrassed to cry in front of others, myself included. However, it is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, at all. You are not showing weakness to them if you cry. You are showing that you have emotions that need to be let out. Displaying them in front of people is brave, and can help a lot because there is someone there to tell you that it's okay, that your feelings are normal and that you have every right to feel them, but also every right to get better. 

If you feel like you need to cry but can't, there are a few ways that can help to get the tears out! 

• Listen to the saddest songs you know. They can be ones that you relate to, or not! It's really up to you, and everyone reacts differently to different things. Find what makes you really feel sad, what gets you into the emotion it's trying to portray, and let those emotions out yourself. 
• Watch movies with sad parts, or sad episodes of shows you like. If these are well done, you'll be really caught up in the emotions of the characters and will empathize with them, crying for them or along with them. (If you don't feel empathy very easily, or at all, that's okay too; it's just a different matter. It doesn't make you a bad person in the slightest). 
• Find a close friend who you trust, and sit somewhere quiet with them, where you feel safe. (Let them know that you're doing this because you need to cry). Just talk through your thoughts - it doesn't have to make sense! - or think them through and sit in silence; whatever you're most comfortable with. Having someone there can help you to feel protected, and so letting your feelings take over for a while is less scary. 
• You can also do the above alone if that's what you're more comfortable with. 

Finally, here are some things to remember for when you cry, if at all possible! 

• Keep comfort items nearby such as blankets, teddy bears and pillows, and hold them when you need to. They can also help to ground yourself in the moment so you don't get carried away by your thoughts. 
• Make sure you have water nearby, and tissues too. You don't want to get dehydrated by the loss of water in your tears, and it can be uncomfortable to sit with them streaming down your face and a nose full of snot. 
• To avoid irritating your eyes by rubbing them, you can put a cold water bottle under them to reduce swelling and ease pain if they begin to hurt. 

Good luck with releasing your emotions! 

-E xo