Back to school advice

So, this month most of you will have gone back to school, college or university this month. I know for some of you this will have been a really scary time because it’s a new place, new people and a whole new adventure!

Talking/Friendships

One of the things that I always feared about doing something new was making new friendships and meeting new people. It’s still something that I struggle with now but I have found a newfound confidence in myself since I made the decision to just throw myself into situations where I have to talk to strangers…and you know what? I’ve made a lot of new work based friendships in the school that I work at for my university course! Now considering I used to be on the verge of tears whenever I knew I would have to talk to a stranger, I’m really proud of myself.

It’s really easy to forget that being new is something that everyone has to deal with at least a few times in their lives so most people are super kind and talkative when someone is new. So, if you’ve been worrying about how you’re going to make new connections with people, here’s my advice: breathe.

It’s so easy to completely clam up just because we have gotten so worked up over something that realistically isn’t going to be that bad. We create scenarios on our heads that make what we are about to do seem like a huge task. The truth is, we need to just let go and be ourselves in order for the right people to end up being in our lives.

Organisation

One of the things I really enjoy doing in life is organising things. I’m a lover of to-do lists and this has always really helped me to feel more in control over my time, no matter how much I have to do. If you know in advance what things you need to prepare for then you can plan out your time properly, giving yourself small chunks of time devoted to that subject and therefor you won’t burn yourself out. Trying to do things in huge amounts only ever lead to boredom and procrastination for me. Just fitting in an hour or two of revision, homework, essay preparation, reading etc helped me feel more in control without getting overwhelmed so I really recommend starting early with it!

Social life

The balance of school life and a social life was always difficult for me because I used to get pretty lazy about actually going out. I’m definitely a home-body. Luckily for me, my friend lived 3 doors up from me so I never had to go far. One thing that was always really important for me though was that I would never give myself huge blocks of time where I couldn’t go out and see friends and family. Whenever this kind of thing ended up happening I would get super stressed and overwhelmed so making time for everyone else actually worked put better in the long run for me. My advice to you is to take some time out of every week to go and see the people that you want to see. Make your work and social life a balance rather than too much of one or the other.

Grades

Grades are important but it’s not the end of the world if you didn’t get the one that you want. It’s really important to remember that you can only do you best, and no one can ask any more of you than that. If you take a test that you have really prepared and revised for and you don’t come out with the grade that you wanted (or other people want for you) then it’s the be all and end all of life. It’s about how you apply yourself and the effort that you put in. Maybe you really struggle with that subject or you really don’t enjoy it, but if you’ve put in all of the effort that you can then you should be really proud of yourself.

Good luck guys!

5 ways to practice self kindness

Self kindness is such a simple concept and yet very few of us actually take the time out of our day in which to actually share some positivity with ourselves. We value ourselves as 'good people' if we are kind towards other people and we take pride in making other people smile, so why is such a wild concept to do the same for ourselves. Everyone wants to be happy in life, and some days this emotion is easy to feel, sometimes it isn't. Simple little bits of kindness that we show ourselves can make or break these situations. If you're having a bad day then its easy to wallow rather than be empathetic with the situation you're in and how you are feeling. It's time to react to your own life situations the way we would if it were a loved ones issues.

Mirror Mirror

Mirror Mirror: Messages to yourself

One of the most common things that we can do as human beings is look in the mirror and find faults. Lets be honest, we all have them... and that's okay. What's not okay is the amount of imaginary faults that we find within ourselves on a daily basis. We find issues with the choices that we have made, the people that are no longer in our lives and often place all of the blame onto ourselves.

Self Esteem Tips

I know that saying that you are going to try to re-build your self esteem is a lot easier said than done, no one has a fool-proof self esteem. There are lots of different things that effect all people differently. there is no set way to help re-build your self esteem and it isn't easy or a quick fix which is what has often gotten us into our messes anyway. Quick fixes do not last long and they often cause more harm than good in the long run.

To Valentine or not to Valentine

This is for the singletons....for the besties....for those lucky in love.

So Tuesday will be one of the most controversial days of 2017 so far. It's valentines day.  The day is just like Marmite  (fellow Brits will know what I mean); you either love it or your hate it. It's a day of celebrating the love that you have for  a person in your life (or maybe even a few people if you celebrate it with your bestie/s like I do).

8 ways to have your best morning

I've made it one of my new goals to be much more mindful and take care of myself both physically and mentally. One of the ways I am going to do that is to make some improvements to my morning routine. Typically I drag my button out of bed, make myself a cup of tea and read before rushing upstairs to shower and get dressed and do typical morning activities. I'm always running out of time and I'm left feeling frazzled so it's time for a change. Here are some of the things that I'm going to do every morning...and some that I've researched into that could be potential ideas for the future!

ED recovery

Acknowledge that your behaviour is unhealthy and you need to make changes. Change is YOUR choice.

Holiday coping tips

Wow, its hard to think about just how fast the year has gone. There have been so many things that have changed for me this year and I couldn't be more grateful for them but if I am honest, like most people with eating disorders, I am a little worried about the holidays. The holidays means lots and lots of food and that makes me worry about whether or not I can stay strong during this season. Here are some coping tips for those of you who celebrate Thanksgiving and/or Christmas....it's coming soon!!!!!!!

Shine A Little Light

I have decided that from now on I will be more appreciative of the things that I have in my life and I will set myself a daily goal. It will be a small goal that will help me to stay happy. I have learned over the time of having this blog that its the small things that make a difference. Each small thing that happens everyday that I either do to help someone or someone does something small to help me, it makes a huge difference.

Just remember that when you are thinking about your life and the way that you can make a difference, just small things that you can do can have such an impact. Here are some little suggestions for you to do;

• smile at a stranger
• help someone with their shopping
• hold the door open for someone
• lend a helping hand
• be there for someone
• make someone laugh
• create something for someone
• believe in someone (including yourself) it could be the extra push that they need to succeed!

You are all beautiful people, inside and out. Let your light shine in this world and don't ever let anyone bring you down. Bad things can happen, that's life but it's our job to help others (and ourselves) to make the best out of every situation. We are all going through problems so make sure that you are there for anyone who needs it. We all stick together and support each other.

Keep smiling.

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My top 5 ways to unwind

So for me, University begins again in just under 2 weeks so I have been enjoying what little time is left to relax in. I'm a firm believer that no matter how much work you have to do, you should always find some downtime to fit into your schedule. I've not followed this advice in the past and got myself in a right mess because of it. Throughout this holiday, I have been pretty successful in giving myself some time off because I have a lot of stuff going on. I've indulged in the things that make me happy and I want you to know that that's a good thing. Find some of the things that make you happy and make time for them, no matter how busy your life is. Your body and mind will thank you for it.

The child within

Remember that saying, where people ask you if you'd treat a little kid the same way that you're treating yourself...and then reminding you that you were once a little kid and you're still someone's child. I've never been more enlightened by something than I was when I was first told this, it's so true, I love the purity of children and how they can find joy in the simplest of things. Then I thought back to my childhood. I think there's a little healing that needs to happen here.

Everyone has those photos of themselves from the past, many find them cute or embarrassing. I cry when I see them, I question just why I every treated that little girl so badly. 

you see that little girl below? She was very happy, she never knew just what she would have to go through in life. There is so much in life that we do not know, no-one can predict whether good or bad things are going to happen. at the beginning of any life, there is an infinite possibility of things that can happen. That's the beauty of what happens, you can make whatever you want of your life.

Stress: tips and tricks

Many of you reading this are probably going through an experience that is causing you stress. This can be anything from exams, jobs, family members or just the pressures of life itself but I want you to know something; it's all going to be okay and you're gonna get through this.

Here are some of the tips and tricks that I have tried whenever I'm feeling under pressure with a deadline or if life has become too stressful;

• schedule your time- e.g. study time, relaxation time etc
• eat your meals- food for thought- you cant concentrate if your hungry so don't skip meals because youre 'too busy'- I'm especially guilty for this!
• get enough sleep- its recommended you get around 8 hours of sleep a night.
• get some exercise- it doesn't have to be much, maybe just a walk or some stretching to get your body moving
• take breaks- every hour take a 5-10 minute break
• stay hydrated
• get everything for the morning ready the night before
• break large tasks into smaller sections
• give yourself a larger time frame than you think necessary- often things take longer than we think and then when we are 'behind schedule' it adds even more stress so be generous with timings.
• say no to extra projects- although its always nice to help other people out, you have to put yourself first because you cannot be there for others till you're sorted yourself.
• do one thing everyday that makes you happy- make sure to take some time out of your day to do something that makes your soul feel alive, this helps your mind set for the rest of the day because you wont feel so rundown.
• ask for help when you need it- its not a bad thing to ask for help, it doesn't make you weak or unable to do the job. You just need some support to fit a certain timeframe etc. 



Things will get easier.
Good luck.
-Louise x

Its never too late (to say hello spring)

So spring has finally sprung, the weather here in Britain is finally starting to pick up... kind of. There are less gale force winds, constant hail and pouring rain.... Actually it always rains so never mind that last part. One of the main messages about spring is that it is a time for new beginnings. It contains a very religious time for some people and for others it can just mean chocolate, flowers and easter egg hunts.

No matter what easter or spring time in general means to you, just remember that it is never too late to start a clean slate. It doesn't matter what your situation is emotionally, physically or even environmentally. There are always going to be times when we 'mess up' which can then lead to an even longer period of time where we are beating ourselves up for it. Upon reflection, I realised that this is just a waste of time. Whatever has happened is now in the past, it is up to us to either learn from it or even just pretend it never happened. (Personally I like to learn the lessons in my mistakes so that I am less likely to do it again). Any extra time spent stressing over what has happened will more than likely just lead to negative feelings. If there is a way to make up for what has happened in a positive way, then by all means go for it. If not, just concentrating on what you can do to make the present better for yourself and everyone/everything around you is enough.

I have spent many restless nights tossing and turning, blaming myself for things that have happened and thinking of drastic ways in which I can make myself suffer as a kind of comeuppance for what has happened. I never realised that i needed to forgive myself as much as I am prepared to forgive others. Things are often said in the heat of the moment and whilst it can really hurt, you owe it to yourself to come to terms with what has happened and move on.

It is never too late to start a fresh and build something new. Spring is a very inspiring time for this but it doesn't matter where you are or what is happening. The only thing that is stopping you is yourself.

Everyone makes mistakes, we just have to learn from them.

Stay strong
- Louise xoxo

Recovery is okay

When I first began my journey through recovery, part of me was so sick of feeling horrible and hating myself. Another part of myself wanted to feel the way that I did because it somehow made up for these things that I decided I had done (even though I hadn't done any of these bad things). It took a while for me to realise that part of me wanted to keep feeling the way I was purely because then it proved the struggles that I have been through. my struggles have never been anything that I have been embarrassed about. They have made me who i am today. I almost did not want to leave that part of my life behind because I thought the damage was too big a part of me to let go.

After reading many quotes about recovery and going to CBT for many sessions, I finally realised that my recovery is not about magically making all of my problems disappear. Its about acknowledging that they are there and no longer letting them control my life. They will always be there. That's something no one can control but the truth of the matter is that I just need to leave those thoughts in the background. You don't listen to the voices or engage with the thoughts.

Do not be afraid of the change that recovery brings

- Louise xoxo

Keep Going

"Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never – in nothing, great or small, large or petty – never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy." - Winston Churchill

I thought I'd share this quote with you as a reminder to never give up on yourself, and to always stay strong. No matter how difficult it seems, never give in.

Perks of Recovery

Hey guys. I haven't posted on here for a while (and for a while, I mean a while). This is mainly because I don't know what to post anymore. I feel like I can't relate anymore and I'm finding it hard to write posts about 'how I cope' when I don't feel like I'm coping anymore; I'm living. I guess that's the perk of recovery.

This blog was very much a coping mechanism for me and, whilst trying to help others on here and on our twitter, I felt like I was helping myself. But I don't need that anymore. I wish I could tell you all why, but I really don't know. I don't remember the last time I hurt myself. I don't remember the last time I felt really depressed. I don't remember and don't know what finally clicked inside of me, but it did.

I wish I knew all of the answers and I wish I knew what to tell you guys that would help you, but I didn't realise that I was actually recovering until I felt 'fully recovered'. Regardless, I will try to give at least some guidance.

Get off twitter.

Lets think about this. In the real world, surrounding yourself with negative people, negative thoughts and negative influences will have a negative impact on you, right? So why is it any different online?

Following accounts that post negative thoughts is not going to help. Tweeting your negative thoughts for other people to see is not going to help. Yes I know that, in that moment, people will see what you're saying and can offer you help and guidance. Yes I know that, in that moment, you can do the same for others. But it's always a temporary fix.

I know it's nice to feel like you can relate to how someone is feeling, but it does more bad than good, trust me. I spent so much time on our twitter, scrolling through our timeline and replying to people saying that they want to hurt themselves, or even kill themselves and, as someone who was unstable at the time, that was not good for me. We are already crowded with our own thoughts of self hatred, and reading tweet after tweet after tweet about how worthless other people feel and how much other people hate themselves just adds fuel to the fire.

My point is, if you were a recovering drug addict, would you surround yourself with people that take drugs? No. If you're taking your recovery seriously you need to step away and create some mind space. 

So, my advice to you is, either unfollow all of the 'depression accounts' and follow people that tweet messages of positivity and inspiration or get off twitter. It's the same with tumblr and any other social networking site too.

Please take this step seriously. You probably don't know now how much of an impact it has on you, but you will.

Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone.

This can be really hard for some. In fact, it's really hard for all of us, but it'll all be worth it in the end. It can be as simple as overcoming a fear of heights or joining a club.

Honestly, I think this is the step that really kickstarted my recovery. I took part in something called NCS (National Citizen Service) last year, and it has really changed my life. I won't write much about it in this post, as it will be too long, but I'll do a separate post about it in the future. Louise is also taking part in it this year, after seeing how much it has benefited me, and it's also helped her a lot too! It will be worth taking part in NCS if it's available to you (for 15-17 year olds in the England and parts of Northern Ireland only, sorry!) or looking for something similar! Even just volunteering somewhere like a soup kitchen or some sort of charity will be awesome!

Set goals.

This one is simple but effective! This is a good encouragement for people with suicidal thoughts, or at least it was for me in my case. Write down your "recovery bucket list" - i.e. things that make you happy, what makes recovery worth it etc.

Here's a few of mine - 

• to be happy
• to be confident
• to be successful
• to have a family
• to meet Will Smith
• to meet Tinie Tempah (which I have, woo! :D)
• to be an actress

They might change over time, but they remind me that I have something to look forward to and something to move towards! 

There are more recovery tips on our advice and our alternatives to self harm pages. Feel free to ask me anything or give us some of your tips in the comments, we are open to blog suggestions, constructive criticism and ideas!

- A

Wonderful things lie on the other side of fear

"Don't let the fear of relapsing keep you from recovery"


This thought, the thought of relapsing kept me from continuing my recovery for SO long. I recently talked to a friend about her illnesses and one thing that she said that I can really relate to is that she was scared to continue with her recovery because every time she had made the decision to begin her recovery, she would relapse and each relapse would be worse than the last.

One thing that I have realised, after suffering from similar illnesses than her (and I believe that it is the same for all mental health illnesses), is that recovery is not just one single decision. you don't just wake up one day and think "I'm going to recover" and then BAM you're fixed. This isn't the case, it takes lots of constant fixing and I have to continually make the decision of recovery every day (sometimes multiple times a day!)

I honestly wish it was just a simple decision that I had to make once and then I was recovered. Its not that simple. We have to constantly work for the things that we want, and soon they will get easier. All my life people have always told me to "try,fail and try again" or "practice makes perfect". I came to realise that they are right. The decisions that I make daily to aid me in my journey of recovery have become more of a routine for me. (Maybe I will even write a post about my daily routine to help me begin the day right).

My point is, recovery is a long journey, it takes a lot of time and effort to learn to see the world with a new pair of eyes. We are literally changing the way that we perceive things and the way that we live our very lives. There will be times where you will have bad days, just remember, that one bad choice does not rule out the list of good/positive things that you had done before it.

Stay true to yourself and dont be so hard on yourself.

-louise xoxo

happy new year! resolutions!!!! -L

so since June, you have all known us as "A" and "L" but after some careful consideration, we decided that it would be in the best interests of the blog for us to reveal who we are. initially this would have been happening on our 1 year anniversary (so in another 6 months time) but we want to create videos and create a more personal relationship with you all.

so hi... my name is Louise and I have been working with Alyssa on Perks Of Recovery for the past 6 months and it has been such an amazing journey for us, it was a big decision to tell people who we are because there aren't a lot of people who are aware of our illnesses.

we now believe that we have created a decent enough mindset in our individual recoveries that allows us to reveal ourselves and bare our demons to the world.

Crying

Depression and other mental illnesses can affect people in a variety of ways. Some people may feel numb and completely unable to cry, as much as they may need to, whereas others might well up and burst into tears all of the time. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to feel; only different ways to feel, and different ways to deal with these feelings. 

Crying is a very important function when you are feeling low, for a number of reasons which I'll list below. 

• The most basic reason of all - it can be very therapeutic to let your emotions out in such a physical manner. Crying almost validates how you feel in a way, (not that your feelings are invalid if you don't cry, at all), and it can feel as though you are letting the sadness, frustration or whatever else you feel out, like opening the flood gates and letting it wash away. These feelings need to be felt, so let yourself feel them. 
• Tears are antibacterial. They'll fight off the germs you pick up in day-to-day life, and hey, if you want clearer skin you can rub them all over your face! 
• Your body releases toxins in your tears when you cry due to emotions. You're ridding your body of loads of those nasty by-products, which can leave you feeling much better, refreshed, afterwards. 
• Stopping yourself from crying increases levels of stress and other negative emotions, and also increases risk of diseases resulting from high stress levels such as high blood pressure and ulcers. Don't worry yourself about this if you've been restraining yourself from crying; just allow yourself to in future, and remind yourself that it's doing your body good. It's not a sign of weakness - if anything it's a sign of strength. It can be so hard to let yourself cry. 

A lot of people feel ashamed or embarrassed to cry in front of others, myself included. However, it is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, at all. You are not showing weakness to them if you cry. You are showing that you have emotions that need to be let out. Displaying them in front of people is brave, and can help a lot because there is someone there to tell you that it's okay, that your feelings are normal and that you have every right to feel them, but also every right to get better. 

If you feel like you need to cry but can't, there are a few ways that can help to get the tears out! 

• Listen to the saddest songs you know. They can be ones that you relate to, or not! It's really up to you, and everyone reacts differently to different things. Find what makes you really feel sad, what gets you into the emotion it's trying to portray, and let those emotions out yourself. 
• Watch movies with sad parts, or sad episodes of shows you like. If these are well done, you'll be really caught up in the emotions of the characters and will empathize with them, crying for them or along with them. (If you don't feel empathy very easily, or at all, that's okay too; it's just a different matter. It doesn't make you a bad person in the slightest). 
• Find a close friend who you trust, and sit somewhere quiet with them, where you feel safe. (Let them know that you're doing this because you need to cry). Just talk through your thoughts - it doesn't have to make sense! - or think them through and sit in silence; whatever you're most comfortable with. Having someone there can help you to feel protected, and so letting your feelings take over for a while is less scary. 
• You can also do the above alone if that's what you're more comfortable with. 

Finally, here are some things to remember for when you cry, if at all possible! 

• Keep comfort items nearby such as blankets, teddy bears and pillows, and hold them when you need to. They can also help to ground yourself in the moment so you don't get carried away by your thoughts. 
• Make sure you have water nearby, and tissues too. You don't want to get dehydrated by the loss of water in your tears, and it can be uncomfortable to sit with them streaming down your face and a nose full of snot. 
• To avoid irritating your eyes by rubbing them, you can put a cold water bottle under them to reduce swelling and ease pain if they begin to hurt. 

Good luck with releasing your emotions! 

-E xo

Dealing With Homework Stress

Already this week, I've stressed over homework. Yesterday we had to do peer-review on group essays we've been working on. The essay is comparing how the book, To Kill A Mockingbird, applies to today’s groups in society, such as LGBT.

We were assigned to go through the paper, answer question on the paper, highlight any mistakes, fix the mistakes, see the paragraphs “flow” well, give suggestion, check to make sure all the citations are there, and a great deal of other stuff.
The paper I was reviewing was ten pages long. I also had a study guide to complete and an art project I had to start on. Long story short, I didn't even get to lie down until eleven at night.

So, I've made a list of ways to deal with stress

1) Go for a walk
Walking can shift your mind away from the life's stresses and help you focus on the positive things in life. Often, what you see while walking can help your mind connect with positive memories, therefore improving your mood. This occurs because of the endorphin's that the brain releases because it is somehow triggered when walking. The endorphin's have the power to relieve pain and stimulate relaxation.

2) Lie down
This has helped me, but it may not help others. Lying down helps my mind relax, while it gives others' the chance to run wild. Taking deep breaths and closing my eyes allows me to seclude myself from the rest of the world and I can concentrate on calming my mind down.

3) Do something you enjoy
Take a break. Such aside the homework and do something you enjoy. Reading, drawing, dancing, listening to music. The odds are limitless. Just take a break, calm your breathing and do something you enjoy to take your mind off everything.

I hope this list will help you in the future.
And remember that no passing grade is worth getting frustrated over. Just take a deep breath :)

-M