inspiration (i guess)

I am not really all that sure what todays post is about. I just wanted to share my new-found knowledge with you all. for some reason it has took me a long time to realise that there are things that happen in life that are bad, like deaths, bullies, illnesses etc. My recovery, just like most peoples begins with the way that i interpret things and the way in which i choose to see the world.

It took me quite a while to realise that if i don't like the way that life is then i should change it, i don't have to look for the bad in the world. I have a lot of very positive things in my life that i take for granted quite a lot. I have a wonderful family and absolutely amazing friends. This blog is one of the best things that i have ever had the pleasure of taking part in. I do not want to think about what my life would be like right now if we hadn't started this blog. It has become my life and has helped me look for the 'silver linings' in every situation. I have so many amazing new friendships with people through the twitter account and it has really helped me get closer to "A" so i have decided that after so long of resenting having depression and an eating disorder that i am thankful of the way that it has shaped my life. I now make better health choices and i have developed as a person in more ways than i could have ever thought.
Remember that when you are having a bad day and you're thinking "why me?" This illness that you have is part of what makes you you. I am a better person today because of my problems and i wouldn't swap my difficulties for anything in the world. Believe in yourself and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you guys do anything after reading this post, please just think about the things/people that you have in your life today because of your hard times.

what are you thankful to your illness' for?

hope you are all staying strong and having a good week, remember to stay positive :-)

-L x

A Little Update (and a pep talk!)

Hi guys!

Its been a while, and i cant appologise enough for that but life has just got ahead of me. There have been a lot of new changes in my life lately and lets admit it, changes are often scary things. I have had to deal with things that others would see as no big deal when to me it was like climbing a mountain. I have started sixth form with Alyssa and its been going well but the work for it has taken up a lot of time so I figured that you all deserved an explaination as to why we have both been AWOL.

I am very pleased to say that my recovery is going well, I still have a difficult relatioinship with food but I am getting better and although I have had a recent relapse, I am one week clean for self-harming. Things are starting to really look up for me and I have a lot of opportunities available to me at them moment.

Beginning my recovery process is one of the best things that I have ever done for myself so if any of you are reading this and wondering if you should begin your recovery, DO IT! The fact that you are even thinking about recovery is a very big step and its a great thing. There is one thing that I do have to say that I feel is quite important; a girl got in touch with us at Perks Of Recovery a few months ago and told us that she wanted to do something about her problems but she didnt think that she should because she didnt think that she was as bad as others that she has found out about. First off, I hope that this person doesnt mind me mentioning this because I felt the exact same thing before getting help and I just felt like it was a growing problem. Secondly, if you have any kind of distorted thinking, be it to do with your body or about your life in general or even something that doesnt fit into those generalisations. Just think to yourself "this isnt right, I need to do something about this". Even if your problems are not as severe as someone elses doesnt mean that you dont deserve to get help. If anything going to get help while your problems are not as severe is a very good thing as it means that you can get to the bottom of your problem before it escalates. Don't ever be afraid that your problem is not severe enough to do something about. Don't suffer in silence.

Remember we are always here if you need help, feel free to DM us on twitter or email us, even if it is anonymously and we will do whatever we can to help.

What are your favourite things about recovery? Comment below :-)

-L x

"When everything happened did you tell people what was going on?"

We recently got asked this question on twitter:

I thought I'd answer it on the blog because I feel as though a lot of people may want to know about this.

Personally, no I didn't tell people what was going on. I didn't tell people how I was feeling, I just kept it all bottled up inside, which inevitably made things a lot worse for me.

Well, I did talk about it to one person, though, so I guess part of that was a lie.

I spoke to an online friend, who was also going through mental health issues. Venting to her really did help me a lot, I knew that I could trust and confide in her, and she would be able to relate to my problems because she was going through it herself.

However, I didn't talk to any of the people around me about it for a long time, and in some ways I still haven't Honestly, I don't know why I didn't tell them back then, when I didn't really self harm much. But, if I did, I think I would have got help sooner, before my problems got worse, and wouldn't be in the position I am now. In some ways I am grateful for that, as I wouldn't be blogging about this today and wouldn't be helping people like I am now. But I don't know if I would do it again, if I had a chance to redo it all, or if I would have spoken to people about it, but I think you should.

Eventually, yes, people did find out about my problems, and it turns out quite a few of my friends have self harmed in that past. Nobody ran when they found out I self harmed or had depression. Some people probably didn't even care. Not in a way such as "oh she's depressed and self harms, who cares" but "So what if she's depressed? So what is she self harms? She's still the same person, and I'm not going to leave just because of that".

So, no I didn't tell people what was going on, when it was going on. I didn't feel comfortable talking about it, and I still don't. Unless I know that that person has gone through the same/similar issues. But that's just me. I do however know that if I did choose to talk about it to friends and family, they wouldn't run away from me. And if they did, then I'd be better of without them.

If people run, don't be sad. Don't be angry. Don't hate yourself. Don't hate them. Be happy they left. Be happy that you now know the truth about them. Be happy because you were strong for telling them. Love yourself and believe that others do. Know that even though one left, others will stay. Believe that you can recover. Lift that weight off you shoulders, because you don't have to hide anymore.

I'm not saying go out and tell everyone you know about it, and try to discuss it with them in person, because that might not be easy for everyone. I know it wouldn't be for me. If you feel more comfortable talking to people over the internet or via text messages, do that instead. Personally, I feel more comfortable doing so, it's easier to reciprocate and portray my emotions when I write it down.

I hope you get some clarity after reading this post and make the right decision for you.

I still think that there is a lot more that I have to say, but I don't want to babble on even more than I already have. Regardless, thank you for taking the time to read this post.

-L x

2 week anniversary!!!!!

Its our two week anniversary for perks of recovery and we are soooo proud of how it is going, we have reached an amazing milestone for our twitter followers! I never imagined in my wildest dreams that we would have come this far in such a small amount of time. This just proves that if you want something enough and you put enough time, effort and love into it then you can make it into something to be proud of. I really cannot wait to see what the future holds for us. We will be starting to work on the blog more and develop the awareness of mental health disorders in others. Good luck in your recovery, we love you.
stay strong
A&L
xxxx

Alternatives To Self Harm: Drawing

Drawing helped me recover from self harm a lot. Drawing is a great way to express your inner feelings and release those negative emotions rather than harming yourself.

You don't need to be good at drawing, just get some pens, pencils, crayons and paper and go crazy! You can scribble, draw shapes or doodle any random things that you want; just don't self harm! You don't even need to draw pictures on paper, you can draw on your wrist/arm. For example, when you feel the urge to self harm, draw a line on your wrist instead of cutting or burning it.

(not our picture)

You could also take part in the butterfly project;

• When you feel the urge to self harm, draw a butterfly instead.
• Name the butterfly after someone that wants you to get better or someone you look up to.
• DON'T SCRUB AWAY YOUR BUTTERFLY!
• Your goal is to not cut until the butterfly has faded away.
• Draw as many butterflies as you want, or get someone else to draw the butterfly for you.

Things I like to draw:

• People/characters: I like to draw little cartoon people either in the anime style or some random scribble - this distracts me from the urges and, by the time I've finished the drawing, the urges have gone and I've calmed down.
• Scribbles: When I'm more angry/frustrated rather than sad, I scribble all over a page until I've calmed down. Sometimes I just colour in the whole page until I'm calm, however many pieces of paper it takes (remember to recycle! Haha).

Drawing really helped me recover, (although I'm still no da Vinci), and I really hope this post helps you stop self harming too! Stay strong. 

Alternatives To Self Harm: Love Spreader

Twitter user @thelovespreader made an amazing video for people to watch then they are feeling the urge to self harm.

She encourages us to resist the urge to self harm, as it will get easier and easier for us to stop the more we resist the urge. The first time we resist the urge is the start of it getting better. If we can do it once, we can do it again and again until we've fully recovered! :-)

The also talks about what to do instead of self harming;

• Talk to your friends/family.
• Watch one of your favourite movies, eat snacks and chill.
• Clean your room whilst playing some music - a great way to distract yourself!
• Draw, paint, be creative - it's a great way to release your feelings and emotions.
• Embrace your feelings - it's ok to cry. Cuddle up in bed, cry if you need to, release all of your negative energy and relax yourself - don't let it build up.
• Think of all of the people that have ever been kind to you - imagine that they're surrounding you with love and kindness.

I really enjoyed this video, and I hope everyone else does! Make sure you follow her on twitter. She's such a kind and beautiful girl, who is spreading love to those who need it. Thank you!

- A

Parents Just Don't Understand...

Parents just don't understand!

In all seriousness, sometimes parents don't understand what you're going through, which can lead to them being negative and unsupportive towards you. It could be for various reasons:

• They haven't experienced what you're going through.
• They have no knowledge on the subject.
• They don't want to believe it.

If your parents aren't understanding, they may end up getting upset, angry or dismissive and say some hurtful things. For example, when she found out about my self harm, my mom got very angry and upset with me. She accused me of doing it to hurt her, and didn't understand that I did as a coping mechanism. She told me that I was "selfish", and even said that I was being "pathetic" when I tried to explain why I was feeling so miserable.

For a long time, I started to feel even worse about myself because I thought that she didn't care about me and that she didn't love me for who I am, but I had to keep telling myself "she doesn't understand". Honestly, I still don't think she understands, which I can accept now that I've stopped, but there are ways to help your parents understand.

This blog post will be focused around parents that don't understand self harm. If you self harm and your parents act negatively towards you, hopefully this blog post will help. 

A diagnosis might be useful to help your parents be more supportive of you, because then they know for a fact that you do have a mental illness, and you're not "making anything up". If you don't have a diagnosis, but you would like one, visit a GP (general practitioner) either on your own or with your parents. If you do not want to go to a professional, try researching online. Online evaluations may not be very accurate, but try looking on various websites to get an better insight. Figure out what symptoms you have, then explain this to your parents.

Lets go back to reason number one for them being unsupportive towards you - lack of experience.

You can't really do anything about them not having the experience, because they will most likely never have it, but you can, as best as possible, explain to them how you're feeling.

It will be hard to explain to them what you're going through, so don't over complicate it. Here's some tips:

• Plan out what you're going to say - write down some bullet points so you stay on track.
• Instead of talking, write it down - write a letter or an e-mail for them to read, try to describe it as best you can.
• Try not to get angry - if you're writing a letter/e-mail, don't write it with anger. If you feel as though you're starting to get too angry/upset, stop writing for a while and come back. If you're speaking to them about it, stay as calm as possible but if you feel as though you're getting to angry and frustrated, calmly remove yourself from the situation.

Looking back, I wish someone had given me this advice. I tried to explain to my mom how I was feeling in a calm way, but . I know now that I shouldn't have shouted and screamed at her and I shouldn't have tried to talk to her whilst I was so angry.

Next we have the lack of knowledge on the subject.

Your parents might not even know what these mental issues involve, so the best way to deal with this is for them to educate themselves on the subject(s). This is something that can help a lot with your parents being more supportive towards you. Here are some tips:

• Find some online resources for them to look at.
• Find leaflets/booklets etc that have information on them.
• Ask them to "at least" look into it.

Once your parents understand what the illness is they will know that it is not a choice, and have more of an insight into what you're feeling. The NHS website is a good place to find useful/helpful links.

Finally we have denial.

Your parents wont want to believe or accept that you are suffering from a mental health problems. In my opinion, the best way to deal with this is to do all of the above. From my experience, explaining to your parents that them denying it and brushing it off as being nothing will not help you get any better might help (although, I wouldn't put it exactly like that otherwise they might get even more angry...). Try explaining to them that you need them to be on your side and to support you through your struggles in order for you to recover.

I hope that this blog post has helped you in one way or another. I am not a professional, so this isn't "professional" advice. However, I do have the experience to be able to tell you what worked for me and what I would do differently in my situation with my parents if I could go back in time.

Stay strong

- A 

Don't Be Afraid.

There are a lot of blogs out there that just give out inspiring messages and they have good intentions but it doesn't always help. This blog was created by 2 people who are in recovery from illnesses such as depression, anxiety, BDD, self harm and eating disorders. We are here for all of you and we know first hand what it is like to feel unworthy and unloved. We are here to help you stay strong and believe in yourself. There will be relapses and there will be days where you just dont think that you can do it but i can promise that it does get easier and you do get stronger.
We will try to respond to all messages to support anyone who needs it.
Stay strong
- L
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