Its never too late (to say hello spring)

So spring has finally sprung, the weather here in Britain is finally starting to pick up... kind of. There are less gale force winds, constant hail and pouring rain.... Actually it always rains so never mind that last part. One of the main messages about spring is that it is a time for new beginnings. It contains a very religious time for some people and for others it can just mean chocolate, flowers and easter egg hunts.

No matter what easter or spring time in general means to you, just remember that it is never too late to start a clean slate. It doesn't matter what your situation is emotionally, physically or even environmentally. There are always going to be times when we 'mess up' which can then lead to an even longer period of time where we are beating ourselves up for it. Upon reflection, I realised that this is just a waste of time. Whatever has happened is now in the past, it is up to us to either learn from it or even just pretend it never happened. (Personally I like to learn the lessons in my mistakes so that I am less likely to do it again). Any extra time spent stressing over what has happened will more than likely just lead to negative feelings. If there is a way to make up for what has happened in a positive way, then by all means go for it. If not, just concentrating on what you can do to make the present better for yourself and everyone/everything around you is enough.

I have spent many restless nights tossing and turning, blaming myself for things that have happened and thinking of drastic ways in which I can make myself suffer as a kind of comeuppance for what has happened. I never realised that i needed to forgive myself as much as I am prepared to forgive others. Things are often said in the heat of the moment and whilst it can really hurt, you owe it to yourself to come to terms with what has happened and move on.

It is never too late to start a fresh and build something new. Spring is a very inspiring time for this but it doesn't matter where you are or what is happening. The only thing that is stopping you is yourself.

Everyone makes mistakes, we just have to learn from them.

Stay strong
- Louise xoxo

Recovery is okay

When I first began my journey through recovery, part of me was so sick of feeling horrible and hating myself. Another part of myself wanted to feel the way that I did because it somehow made up for these things that I decided I had done (even though I hadn't done any of these bad things). It took a while for me to realise that part of me wanted to keep feeling the way I was purely because then it proved the struggles that I have been through. my struggles have never been anything that I have been embarrassed about. They have made me who i am today. I almost did not want to leave that part of my life behind because I thought the damage was too big a part of me to let go.

After reading many quotes about recovery and going to CBT for many sessions, I finally realised that my recovery is not about magically making all of my problems disappear. Its about acknowledging that they are there and no longer letting them control my life. They will always be there. That's something no one can control but the truth of the matter is that I just need to leave those thoughts in the background. You don't listen to the voices or engage with the thoughts.

Do not be afraid of the change that recovery brings

- Louise xoxo

"Attention Seeking"

This post is simultaneously a rant and an affirmation to those of you who have been called an "attention seeker" that seeking attention does not make you a bad person. 

All too often, I've heard people telling others "you're just an attention seeker, get over it" and similar things, and I am so done with it. There are a few reasons why this is basically bullcrap: 

• Seeking attention is natural. It's not something to be ashamed of, and people need to stop treating it as if it's a crime. Literally everyone seeks attention - it's nice to be noticed, and listened to, and given affection, and whatever else you're after. 
• It is a brave thing to ask for help. If the attention you're seeking is for something you're upset about, then it's brilliant and amazing that you have the courage to do so, and no-one has the right to tell you that you can't, that it's annoying, or anything else. Please, never let the fear of looking like an "attention seeker" put you off. If you need help, you deserve it, and that's that. 
• No-one has the right to invalidate your emotions. You don't owe pretending to be happy to anyone. Whatever you're feeling is personal to you, and is real - you don't have to hide it, and people shouldn't make you feel bad for sharing it. The same goes for coping mechanisms. A lot of the time, self-harmers are accused of doing it for attention, when this is rarely the case, and when it is for attention it is a cry for much-needed and much-deserved help. Don't let anyone tell you the way you're feeling is wrong. There is no right and wrong when it comes to this; only negative and positive, and if something is harmful to you then you need help to stop it, not criticism and scolding. 

Make sure you remember these things if ever you feel (or someone else makes you feel) ashamed for seeking attention. It's natural, and can be a very good thing if you're asking for help. Spread the message where you can, and let's seek attention together! 

-E xo