See this picture right here? This was me last year. It wasnt even my lowest weight from my eating issues. I hated myself. I thought I was fat and everyone hated me. I see pictures on social media sites of "thinspo" pictures and now it just makes me sick.
This wasn't healthy. I was eating less than 1/4 of a meal per day. It still wasn't enough. Nothing I did, no matter how much I harmed myself both internally and externally, it wasn't enough. I was constantly cold, tired and dizzy.
Only now do I realise just how badly I was treating myself. Since beginning my ED recovery, I have hated the weight that I have gained. The truth of the matter is, I needed it. My facial bones were protruding and I looked down right ill.
This post is more for me at the moment because I am having trouble with accepting my body. I'm constantly comparing it to other people's bodies that are much slimmer but I needed to do this to prove to myself just how wring my behaviour was before and just how far I have come. My weight gain isn't a sign of weakness at all, but a sign of strength because I was able to Eat meals on a more regular basis. For now I am working on encouraging myself to eat properly. I will create a suitable exercise routine for myself that complements my mental and emotional health when I am ready.
Take things one step at a time and wait until you are ready. This is not a process to be rushed.
STAY STRONG
-Louise xoxo
